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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Story of Brown Gobbie (3rd Annual Web Release)

The Story of Brown Gobbie

Road Dawg ‘Tails From The Road’ Presents

The Story of Brown Gobbie
How One Turkey Escaped Thanksgiving Dinner By Having An Attitude

This story does start once upon a time. The exact time the turkey that later on became known as Brown Gobbie entered the world is not known. The time he made his appearance known is. It was summer.

Things got started by my dad saying that the brown turkey was growing just fine and would be good eating by Thanksgiving.

This statement was heard by more than just me. It was heard by several farm animals also. Word got around. Way around. All the way to B.G. himself. Considering there were two turkeys to choose from, this kind of pissed him off. So much for trying to be healthy and buff for the ladies, look where it got him, he thought. Dieting wasn’t the answer, he enjoyed food to much. Besides, there was always more than one way out of a situation. Gobbie had to come up with a plan, and soon!

One day ... I was standing at the kitchen sink getting a glass of water when I noticed a flash of light (the kind you see off a mirror) out by the shed. I would have ignored it as a chance that I moved just right and caught the reflection off a hubcap or something, but it flashed again and again. It made me think of someone sending Morse Code. Curious, I went to investigate.

There was Brown Gobbie standing by the corner of the shed, in the sunlight, wearing a pair of mirrored sunglasses, moving his head from side to side making the sun reflect off the lenses.

I knew my dad’s well water needed checked. I went back inside and sat down to have something else to drink other than water. Maybe the sun got to me when I was mowing earlier. A few days later I noticed the flashing out by the shed again. This time there were clouds of smoke the light was having to flash through. I went to investigate.

There was Brown Gobbie, leaning against the shed no less, flashing his sunglasses and smoking a cigarette. A Camel non-filter, no less. I decided to quit showering or being in contact with the water in anyway.

Believe me, I wasn’t’ the only one who noticed what was going on. All the other farm animals did too. If I could judge an animals’ expression, I would say they were impressed. It appeared that by having an attitude, (a bad ass one) Gobbie planned on evading being invited for Thanksgiving Dinner! The only problem was that one person hadn’t noticed yet. The chef.

Pap was known for some of the best moonshine around (maybe it was the water?). Of course you have to sample it to make sure it’s good, and they say it’s the best. Maybe all the constant sampling kind of fogged the brain or Pap just didn’t want to admit he had a smoking turkey that wore shades. What ever the reason, Gobbie didn’t seem to get his attention.

Every time Pap was out, Gobbie tried to be noticed. He started running after him everywhere he went. Brown Gobbie ran so much that he even ran in place (like them joggers do) waiting for Pap’s next move, trying to stay up with him. He even started running in place when he was smoking, waiting for Pap to walk out the door I guess.

I wasn’t the only one who noticed the constant running. The other farm animals did too! Although they thought Gobbie looked cool (and bad!), he kind of looked silly running all the time. This bred lots of jokes behind B.G.'s back, and took away from his coolness also.

Gobbie didn’t know exactly when Thanksgiving was, he just knew he didn’t like the menu. He wasn’t getting noticed by the chef (Pap) and that wasn’t good either. Gobbie was going to have to intensify his game, stakes were high!

Brown stole Pap’s credit card and bought a custom made black leather jacket. Brown Gobbie looked bad now, he thought! The chef still didn’t notice. Now every time Pap came out, Gobbie would run up next to him and start slapping his leg, as in saying “Hey, look at me!”. Still no response. Except once when the annoying habit of leg slapping did lead to Pap hitting the other male turkey upside the head with a stick (a big stick!), thinking he was Brown Gobbie I guess. (That turkey later on became known as Blackie the Insane and spent the remainder of his life, which unfortunately wasn't much longer, trying to remember what kind of animal he was.)

Thanksgiving came and went. Gobbie was not the guest of honor, he wasn’t even invited. That was one party he didn’t care that he missed. The bottom line was his plan had worked. By having an attitude, a bad ass one, B.G. had escaped being the Thanksgiving dinner! Whew! Talk about the blood flowing through his beard! Redder than red, it was said.

Brown Gobbie strutted his stuff around the farm like he was a gunslinger that won the show-down. In his eyes it was that way. He didn’t realize that with the holidays and all the sampling, Pap was so busy with his shine that Thanksgiving was a can of Beanie-Weenies, with lots of hot sauce. The rest of the farm animals didn’t realize this either. They all thought Gobbie was bad, real bad. He beat the Man, it was said. All the admiration was Brown Gobbie’s. Besides, the other turkey was busy burying nuts thinking he was a squirrel.

For Christmas, the other animals bought B. G. a beret.

All this admiration swelled Brown’s head. (This was o.k. at first, some thought, the beret was a little loose anyway.)

By the following springtime his ways were unbearable. Gobbie was arrogant and had become mean. It was his way, or no way! The other farm animals were starting to resent him. After all, he didn’t use his influence to stop the hogs from going for a joy ride. The Man still stole the hen’s eggs, stopping their population growth (in their eyes!).

What was Gobbie doing for them. Nothing.
Besides, he still ran in place.

Gobbie was not giving up the attitude. After all, it had saved his ass! (he thought anyway!). Why die a martyr, (with friends). Better to be alive and kicking (or slapping, a bad habit B. G. didn’t drop which became annoying to others.)

One by one the other farm animals quit having anything to do with him.

Gobbie, having no one to admire him, moved on. Attitude was everything, he thought , and by golly somewhere there was a need for a turkey with an attitude.

Central America, now there was a place of revolution, and revolutionaries had a bad ass attitude (and also wore berets!)

C.I.A. and other intelligence agencies think that someone is playing a trick on them when they see a smoking turkey, wearing shades and a beret in a photo. (It is like spotting the Waldo guy).

I guess the moral of the story hear is that friends come and go, enemies accumulate, choose your attitude well, others may notice. But if your ass is on the line, it’s every man (or turkey) for himself.

PS. Blackie the Insane never lived to sweat out that following summer, he was killed by a car he was chasing. A bad habit he picked up while thinking he was a dog.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.
From the Twisted Minds of, Kerbachard Scribe Werx.

[This West Tennessee original Folktale was released by Rouge Dawg Publications in 1998. RDP is now a subsidiary of KsW™]

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